The willingness to share power is the key to all group problem solving.
BEGIN WITH A QUESTION TO CONSIDER:
What happens when a nonviolent response confronts potential or actual violence?
1. Nonviolence surprises the aggressor giving him less control over the intended victim while the intended victim gains moral initiative.
2. The aggressor's kindly motives conflict with selfish violent ones.
3. The aggressor starts to look bad while the victim gains respect and sympathy from third parties. The aggressor becomes susceptible to influence for change.
4. Nonviolence becomes practical.
1. Nonviolence surprises the aggressor giving him less control over the intended victim while the intended victim gains moral initiative.
2. The aggressor's kindly motives conflict with selfish violent ones.
3. The aggressor starts to look bad while the victim gains respect and sympathy from third parties. The aggressor becomes susceptible to influence for change.
4. Nonviolence becomes practical.
The following two articles explain the strategy of handling the anger of others
Using the Anger of Others Constructively |
Nonviolent Third-Party Intervention
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In Session 3 we learned ways to handle our own anger. By using "I" statements we will not lose our self-control as readily nor will we risk escalation of the hostility by causing the opponent to feel “put down” which makes the person defensive and want to retaliate. We are the authorities on our own feelings and perceptions. Others cannot question our “I” statements and those statements should not attack the opponent in anyway.
In this session we want to learn about two other kinds of anger:
Often it is not so much what was done that makes us angry as it is how it was done and |
what perceptions were generated in our mind.
When a person is angry at us that usually means he or she perceives being belittled, ignored, excluded, not respected. In session 3 we learned one good way to handle this. Through reflective listening we can acknowledge those feelings and perceptions and eventually engage in constructive conversation. We can dialogue ways for addressing the opponent's true needs to relieve the tension and show our concern, kindness and friendship. To handle anger between two other parties, normally we must start with an effective outside way to distract them from the hostile engagement in which they are involved. Only when the attention of all parties is obtained can problem-solving begin. |
Here to move slide:
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These two actual cases show practical application
Case Study: |
Those Angry Phone Calls
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3. It helps to say you’re sorry or express concern that their needs were not met, or not met in a timely manner. However...
4. Use your own words and only say what's true. If you don't feel sorry, don't say so. People can tell if you aren't sincere and usually that just makes them more angry. Something along the lines of, "I wish we had been able to take care of this earlier," might help calm things down. 5. If, once the problem is clarified, you are not the person who can resolve the problem, transfer the call to the person who can. Tell the caller what you are doing and why. If possible, tell the person to whom you are transferring the call and what the call is about. If you are the person to whom the call is being transferred, be aware this person has been transferred once and be wary of transferring again. 6. If you have any questions about how best to resolve a problem, ask the Office Manager or a co-worker familiar with the area. 7. If at any time a caller is verbally abusive or threatening, involve the Office Manager immediately. 8. If we stay calm, clarify the problem and do our very best to resolve the problem, the amount of time we spend on angry callers should be minimal and much easier on all concerned. Submitted by the office manager who completed the ALTERNATIVES TO VIOLENCE course. Using anger of others constructively states that we should acknowledge feelings and perceptions to engage in constructive conversation. Also "I" Statements, like many other cases, are crucial. |
Case Study: |
Handling Teacher Anger |
I recently had an irate faculty member come bursting into my office with a long list of complaints about his teaching assignment. He was emotionally upset and unable to control his temper. l consciously utilized some of the techniques presented in class in an attempt to de-escalate his anger.
I first got him to sit down and began to restate what I heard him complaining about. I employed "I" statements as a means to deflate the level of emotion. I lowered the volume of my voice in sharp contrast to his initial shouts and loud comments. I indicated a personal interest in helping him to resolve some of the constraints which were complicating his teaching situation. I was specific about a time line we would follow to begin addressing his many concerns. I acknowledged the teacher's tremendous contributions to the school district, and his commitment to children. |
I reminded him of other problems that we had resolved together and indicated my confidence in our ability to solve these issues together, too.
The teacher eventually began to relax and his anger eventually began to dissipate. We agreed to jointly develop a plan of action to resolve the difficulties the following afternoon. Submitted by an administrator while taking the ALTERNATIVES TO VIOLENCE course in the Shaker Heights School District. The story relates to the guidelines for fair fighting in that the administrator accepted the emotions from the teacher and only speaks from his feelings through using "I" statements. In addition, the administrator faces the conflict with calmness and self control in the face of hostility. |
How do you define the following processes?
Reaching the FINAL AGREEMENT STEP in group problem solving:
CLICK! on the question for the answer...
1) Negotiation:
The parties carry on a discussion to reach an agreement.
2) Mediation:
A third-party helps the opponent reach agreement.
3) Arbitration:
The opponents select a third-party to make the decision/agreement.
Here is a humorous but common video example followed by FACTS ABOUT NEGOTIATIONS
"Analysis of Negotiation"
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The following is a video and case study about MEDIATION
"Mediation Process" |
Dispute Becomes Bloody
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The need for a mediation conference developed suddenly as a bloodied John pinned Ken to an unforgiving cement floor. As the disappointed crowd of boys dispersed, I escorted both Ken and John to my closet-like room at one of the dorms at an outdoor education center.
In a brief interview held separately with each boy, I discovered they had a history of misunderstandings and escalating tension. Conflicts had arisen around little things in the fall that cumulatively would erupt into war in the winter. Words had been exchanged, negative body language acted out, and a crowd's enthusiasm sparked, then lit the fuse of a knock-down-drag-out fight. Both boys admitted that violence was not the way to settle things and apologized for their behavior. They were disappointed with themselves for losing control, especially since each boy had targeted his propensity for fighting as a flaw, not an asset. Having completed the interviews, I felt the time was ripe for settling differences together. |
We sat down and recapped the fight. Long-standing negative feelings were probed and diffused as by-products of misperception. Each boy listened attentively to the other as they faced off in an exchange of hurt feelings. They admitted that a friendship between them was unlikely, but that peacefully getting along with each other was necessary.
Though it was an informal mediation conference, the outcome was impressive. The battle was over and so was the war. Submitted by a teacher from the Talawanda Middle School, Oxford, Ohio, while taking the ALTERNATIVES TO VIOLENCE course. This case reflects the positive outcomes of a mediation and not specifically the steps. It looks at how the parties were able to agree on civil nonviolent behavior towards each other once all information regarding misconceptions were on the table. The relationship was not completely saved, but it appears that the positive effects of this mediation will be lasting because the parties understand the issues and each other. |
"Quality Through Nonviolent Leadership"
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To help the reader remember what "nonviolent leadership" is, Glasser in his preface inserts the following:
A boss drives. A leader leads. A boss relies on authority. A leader relies on cooperation. A boss says “I”. A leader says “We” A boss creates fear. A leader creates confidence. A boss knows how. A leader shows how. A boss creates resentment. A leader breeds enthusiasm. A boss fixes blame. A leader fixes mistakes. A boss makes work drudgery. A leader makes work interesting. The Quality School, Managing Students Without Coercion.
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Review and Reflect
Major Point to Remember:
The willingness to share power is the key to all group problem solving.
To Reflect: Optional Activities
Materials located on the "Extra" page for applications #1 & #2
#1: Analyze at least two Case Studies: 7B, 7D, 7E, 7F, 8A, 8B, 8C
#2: Movie Assignment: View "Hotel Rwanda" and answer the corresponding questions
#3: Application:
Parents and teachers, do you have a list for your children and students of things that they can do in a “time-out corner?” When one young person sees another go to a spot and do something to gain control of emotions, he/she can learn that hitting isn't necessary.
By downloading the following worksheet, you will find 15 things to do instead of hitting.
(You will find 15 more things to do at the end of Session 2.)
#3: Application:
Parents and teachers, do you have a list for your children and students of things that they can do in a “time-out corner?” When one young person sees another go to a spot and do something to gain control of emotions, he/she can learn that hitting isn't necessary.
By downloading the following worksheet, you will find 15 things to do instead of hitting.
(You will find 15 more things to do at the end of Session 2.)
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